1. Orange Theory is a gym. They should give their members oranges every time they finish a workout. The promise of an orange might make me go to the gym.
2. Why do vegetation restaurants try to make all of their food look like fake meat? It’s like they’re trying to prove themselves to meat eaters.
3. In Chicago, traffic lights are the law! In New York, New Yorkers are the law and the lights are a suggestion.
4. Don’t yell “Bernie Sanders” in a crowded theater. Especially when you’re at a Chekov play.
5. It would be interesting if virtual reality caused more empathy than actual reality. Interesting, but unlikely…
6. I wish the Pink Line train existed during Chicago’s organized crime past. Imagine a classic Chicago mob called, “The Pink Line.” (Editors note: I wrote this Monday night. On Tuesday morning, a large section of the Pink Line was shutdown because of a signal station fire).
7. My friend Aaron is too excited about an alternative version of Nathaniel Rateliff & The Night Sweats’ song, “S.O.B.”
Aaron’s lyrics are about bacon.
8. You never really need a compass until you really need a compass.
9. Derek is a hard name for me to pronounce when the cashier says, “Can I have a name for the order?” They usally think my name is Gary.
10. BATMAN VS SUPERMAN SPOILER!
After the deaths of Han Solo and Superman this year, you can expect the following fictional character deaths by the end of 2016: Captain America, the remaining original Ghostbusters, Donald Trump and Harry Potter.